


making a mess of it

by speckledfeathers



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: 1990s, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Bisexual Eddie Kaspbrak, College, Eddie Kaspbrak Has ADHD, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is Bad at Feelings, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier in the 1990s, First Kiss, Gay Richie Tozier, Hugs, M/M, Rekindled Relationship, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Sad and Happy, Trans Eddie Kaspbrak, happy reunion, i just love eddie a lot okay, rekindled feelings, that's my headcanon for him but it's not a plot point, there will be songs to listen to, there's going to be lots of ups and downs, they're both gay messes, they're seniors, this will mostly be from eddie's perspective, will include some flashbacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26680921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speckledfeathers/pseuds/speckledfeathers
Summary: it's the classic story: a group of friends go off to college, and they slowly stop talking to each other. they say they'll always be close no matter what, but sometimes that's hard to believe. and even harder to actually keep up.eddie and richie have never put a label on their relationship. ever. the rest of the losers club know exactly what's going on, but for some reason it's never that simple for the two of them.now it's only a few months before they both graduate college.. what's next for them?
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	1. the shirt

**// Song Rec for this Chapter:[Forever ... (is a long time) by Halsey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkkv4lfjY-g) // **

Holy shit, Richie had never run so fast in his entire life. There was a package in his arms, a book bag strapped to his back, and a giddy smile plastered across his face as his legs carried him across campus back to his dorm room.

To his relief, his roommate was nowhere to be found once he managed to unlock the door. His bag dropped to the floor like it was full of bricks, and as Richie moved towards his bed he kicked off his shoes— they flew in random directions. Then he flopped onto his messy bed, and sat the package down next to him to reread the label for the millionth time.

_From: Eddie Kaspbrak_

So.. Eddie remembered he existed after all. This stupid little box with this stupid little label on it made Richie happier than anything else had in _months._ Sure, Christmas was fine this year. Going back home to his parents’ wasn’t ever anything exciting, but the big difference was the complete lack of the Losers Club in his life. They had made a habit of seeing each other during their holiday breaks, but for some reason this year it just.. never happened.

They were seniors. They were busy. Richie didn’t even know if the rest of them had come back to Derry at all. But now it was the beginning of April and he had this horrible, sinking feeling that things were changing. And not in a way that he liked very much.

**Nope, not gonna think about that right now.**

After grabbing the scissors from his desk, Richie got to work opening up the mysterious box from his best friend. The first thing he saw inside was a single piece of paper, folded perfectly in half and not a single crinkle to be seen. He snorted at the sight of it, then adjusted his glasses by pushing them up the bridge of his nose before picking up Eddie’s carefully crafted letter and unfolding it.

Eddie’s handwriting was somehow a perfect mix of simple, careful, and messy. Richie would recognize it anywhere.

>   
>  _‘Hey there Richard._
> 
> _It’s been a while! I was back in Derry for Christmas but my mom was being extra bitchy this year. I wanted to stop by and say hi since I knew you were in town too. Things were just weird this year. I missed everyone. I missed you._
> 
> _Don’t let that get to your head though. Remember, I missed everyone else too._
> 
> _Anyway. This is not a Christmas present. I only bought this for you last weekend when my mom literally dragged me out of the house to go clothes shopping. You should have seen her face when I was convincing her to let me buy this for myself. She still hates you, by the way. But that just makes me like you more._
> 
> _I had to guess your size, so I hope you didn’t decide to get super buff and handsome this year (because we all know you weren’t handsome the last time I saw you). Otherwise this is going to be super awkward._
> 
> _Hope you like it! It’s the most Richie Tozier thing I’ve ever seen in my life, so now it’s exactly where it belongs._
> 
> _Keep in touch, okay?_
> 
> _-Edwardo’_  
> 

Richie maybe should have waited even just half a second, let himself take it in. But the exact moment he finished reading he had his hands in the box, fingers clumsily grasping at whatever it was Eddie had waiting for him.

He pulled it out and then smacked the empty box away, ready to rip apart the plain blue wrapping paper. It took barely 3 seconds and then it was all over his bed and the floor in various sized scrappy pieces.

What was underneath? Answer: [ the most beautiful shirt that Richie had ever seen. ](https://images.beautifulhalo.com/images/392x588/201908/Q/summer-trendy-dinosaur-comic-pattern-short-sleeve-pink-beach-shirt-for-guys_1565847796851.jpg)

Richie held it up in front of him, absolutely entranced by it. The fabric was thin and soft and pastel pink, accented with blues and greens and yellows. And _dinosaurs,_ of all things.

Yup. Eddie nailed it. This was perhaps the most Richie Tozier thing that has ever been made.

There were a few long seconds that passed as Richie debated flicking the buttons open and sliding the shirt on, just to see how he looked. But then he heard the door lock click open, and his roommate was suddenly entering his bubble. Unfortunately, the world outside him and Eddie still existed.

“What the hell is that?” As he entered the room, he managed to throw a look over his shoulder to Richie and the brightly colored item of clothing he was holding up.

In a small fit of panic, Richie picked up the box and shoved the shirt back into it. “Nothing.”

His relationship with Steven was a strange one. This wasn’t the first year they lived together, and they were friends. But there was always just a bit of distance between them. Richie figured it was because of his.. secret. That maybe wasn’t that much of a secret. They had never once talked about it though, so he was happy to continue pretending that part of him didn’t exist to other people.

Steven snorted as the door shut and he lowered his bag down to the floor next to his desk. “Alright.” Then he eyed the flurry of wrapping paper pieces. “Oh, did your parents send you something? Seriously you don’t need to be embarrassed. Remember when mine sent me those pants last year?”

Richie laughed awkwardly. “Yeah dude, who could forget those. They were ugly as shit.”

“Right? And somehow they forgot how tall I was and they didn’t even go down to my ankles.”

“I don’t know man, I think it was a good look for you.”

Now Steve was laughing as he sat down on his bed to take his shoes off. “Asshole.” He was joking. 

“Bitch.” Alright, Richie was starting to relax a bit. But there was still a whole lot of adrenaline running through him, so he aimlessly started picking up the wrapping paper. “Hey uh, I gotta make a call. You need the phone?”

Steve shook his head no, his face aimed down as he tucked his shoes under the bed. “Have at it.”

Richie was instantly to his feet, dropping all of the paper pieces he had just collected back onto the floor. A few seconds later, the phone was to his ear and his free hand was hovering over the numbers. He had memorized Eddie’s number, that wasn’t the issue. But he was _nervous._ He hated being nervous.

Sucking in a short breath and then holding it, Richie finally went for it. While it was ringing he twisted the cord around a few of his fingers, staring blankly out the window.

Then someone picked up. “Hello?”

Not Eddie. It was embarrassing how disappointed he felt, but also how relieved he was. “Hey, I was looking for Eddie. Is he there?”

“Nah, he’s got a class until 5. I’ll tell him you called when he gets back. Wanna leave a name or message or something?”

“Sure, uh. Just tell him Richie called.”

“Richie?” There was a tone shift. Richie’s face crunched in confusion. “Damn, part of me thought he was making you up. Glad to know that guy isn’t as crazy as he seems.”

His confusion turned into resentment. “Excuse me?”

“Well you know him, I’m sure he was the same when you guys were friends. Always rambling on about one thing or another. Seriously paranoid.” There was a pause. “Like seriously paranoid.”

“Go fuck yourself, dude. Just tell him I called.” Then Richie slammed the phone down and the call was over.

The room went silent for a moment. Then Steve cleared his throat. “You okay over there?”

Richie spun around and then stomped back over to his bed to pick up the scattered paper for the second time. “Yeah.” His reply was short and curt.

The nice thing about his roommate was that he didn’t pry. Richie hated when people pried, so they at least didn’t clash there. After a bit of gathering, he eventually got all the scraps into the trash and then flopped onto his bed to stare angrily at the ceiling.

The _audacity_ of that asshole, making fun of Eddie like that. He was angry and he also felt horrible that Eddie was stuck with a roommate like that. But then.. it hit him.

Eddie talked about him. And that made him feel..

**Nope. Not gonna think about that either.**

Richie moved his arm to check his watch. It was 4:30. Yeah, alright. He could wait half an hour, that’s not that long. He had homework. He had.. other things to do. He could go get food maybe. There were a few things he could do to keep himself busy.

And Richie did exactly none of them.

As he waited, the only thing he did was stay on his bed and stare at the ceiling. Occasionally he would check the time. Steve did his own thing, and they didn’t bother each other.

5:02 pm. Nothing.

That’s fine. There was no logical way that Eddie would make it back to his room that quickly.

5:11 pm. Nothing.

Also fine. Eleven minutes isn’t that long either.

5:24 pm. Nothing.

5:31 pm. Nothing.

5:48 pm. Nothing.

6:15 pm. Nothing.

Richie was starving. He hadn’t eaten anything since before his morning classes and now he was stuck waiting for a call he now realized would probably never come. Either that stupid roommate he spoke to wouldn’t tell Eddie he called, or Eddie wouldn’t want to call back at all. He felt stupid for even calling in the first place.

But then. 6:23 pm. The phone rang.

Steve glanced at the phone, but Richie was ready. It only got two rings in before he was answering it, doing his best to sound casual.

“Hello?”

“Richie?”

Eddie. It was really him this time.

“Hey Eds!” Did he sound too excited? He probably sounded too excited. “I uh, I got your package today.”

“Yeah? Awesome, I was hoping it would get to you soon.” There was a pause. “What do you think?”

“It’s incredible!” Richie barely waited for Eddie to finish before he was replying. “You nailed it, Eds. I couldn’t have picked something better myself.”

“Right? It just _screams_ Richie Tozier. I was worried you already had it.”

Richie let out a laugh, then sighed. The two of them were still on the line, but their conversation faded. It wasn’t awkward. But there was _something_ sitting between them as they went quiet. Neither of them hung up. Neither of them said goodbye.

“I miss you Eddie.” It just.. slipped out. He remembered that Steve was still in the room, so his voice was soft.

“Yeah.” A pause. “I miss you, too Richie.”

“Do you maybe wanna come visit sometime?” That slipped out, too. Richie cringed, wishing he could control himself sometimes.

“Like.. at your dorm?” Eddie sounded just as confused as Richie felt.

“Yeah.” Richie shrugged, even though he knew Eddie couldn’t see it. _Play it casual,_ he told himself. _Don’t freak out._

“Okay. Yeah, sure. We’ve never done that before, could be fun.” Eddie was rambling slightly. It made Richie smirk. He missed that. “Well uh, I mean— when? When should I come down?”

“Next weekend?” 

“I won’t be here so you’ll have the room to yourself.” Steve pitched in. Richie had forgotten about him again, and his face turned red.

“I can do that.” Eddie replied.

“Great. My roommate won’t be here so..” He trailed off.

Eddie paused. “W-Why does that matter?”

Richie felt his throat close in embarrassment. “—it doesn’t.”

“Right.” Now they both sounded awkward. “Maybe I’ll drive down Friday after my last class and we’ll go from there?”

“That sounds great.”

“Great.”

“Cool. See you Friday. Don’t forget your toothbrush.” Then Richie slammed the phone down. For the second time that night.

Eddie Kaspbrak was coming to visit.

Holy.

Shit.


	2. a day in the life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now we focus on eddie as he gets ready to go visit richie

**// Song Rec for this Chapter:[Passenger by OneRepublic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lrbEWmo9mA) //**

“Well shit. You do have friends. Or— _one_ friend, at least.”

Eddie stayed on the line a few extra seconds after Richie hung up. When his roommate made a comment he shot him a sideways glance, then carefully put the phone down. “Brilliant commentary, Adrian. Would it hurt you to shut up every once in a while?”

The other student simply scoffed. “More power to ya if he’ll put up with you. Sounds like you two are.. close.” There were implications with the last word, and while Eddie wasn’t the best at social cues, he knew exactly what Adrian meant.

“Just leave me alone.” Eddie moved swiftly past where Adrian was sitting, grabbed his beat up walkman and headphones, went to head out the door, turned around to grab his keys and water bottle, and then left. He slammed the door behind him.

Eddie wanted to run. And run and _run_ and **run**. He jogged down the stairs and burst through the door of his building, right into the cool evening air of spring. He took in as deep of a breath as he could manage, letting himself feel the slight chill against his bare arms while he slid his headphones on. Then he pressed play.

Hm. A piano concerto, nice. Eddie had forgotten what tape he left in, so the music was a pleasant surprise. It helped him concentrate when he needed it, but right now he just needed the background noise. Something he was familiar with to block out the ambient noise of the world around him that collided with the horrible noise in his own mind.

Eddie had so much work to do. He was behind on his lab work, more specifically for biochem, and even though he had stayed an hour late after his 5:00 class ended, he was still behind. It frustrated him to no end. Every year he had to work harder to convince himself he wasn’t a complete idiot. The new meds were helping at least. For the moment.

_Sigh._

He steered himself directly towards the track. Old habits die hard, apparently. After his senior year of high school, Eddie had stopped running track for school but he still found himself turning back to it when his mind was racing. Better to move his feet than let his mind go in circles.

All in all, Eddie jogged five laps in total. The same soft piano played in his ears the entire time. And when he finally got tired out, he plopped down on the grass next to the track. The sun was just starting to get low, painting the sky in pale yellows and blues and pinks. There was one other person on the track, but that was it. He was alone. The world was soft and quiet, his muscles were sore, and his lungs were given time to slow down.

Something was off. Why did he feel so different right now? When his hands hit the dirt he dug his fingers into the grass to try and ground himself. He closed his eyes, focusing on the breeze against his face. The music leveled out and swallowed him up.

Eddie constantly felt like there was something more hiding inside him. Sometimes, he felt like he barely knew himself. What did he like? What did he dislike? Has he ever been in control of his life? Has he ever truly loved something?

Suddenly his heart rate shot up, and Eddie whipped his eyes open. His breathing had already started to slow down but at that moment, it sped up again.

_Richie._ That damn phone call from Richie, that’s what set him off. Plus, Adrian was an asshole. But that wasn’t what he was stuck on at the moment. Sometimes things in his life felt foggy, or even lifeless. Like no matter how much he tried to care about things, he just.. couldn’t.

But whenever Richie popped back up, things felt better. Lighter. More exciting. More emotional. Like there was something out there that he had left behind and now he needed to pick it back up. Now that he was presented with a chance to do just that, Eddie was terrified. But he also wondered why he hadn’t ever taken a chance like this before.

Holy shit, he was going to visit Richie Tozier and _**stay over with him at his dorm.**_

Nothing was wrong with that, right? It would be fun. Richie was his best friend, even if they didn’t see each other much anymore. So why was he suddenly full of anxiety about it? Didn’t he even tell Richie to keep in touch at the end of his letter?

**Nope. Not gonna think about that right now.**

_Alright Eddie, time to buckle down and get that damn lab work finished._ He was still distracted but he managed to walk back to his dorm without smacking head first into anything, which he considered an accomplishment.

Upon coming back, he made a big deal of ignoring Adrian. His active distaste in the annoying stranger he shared a room with bordered on aggression, but he built up enough willpower to keep his mouth shut.

Unfortunately, even after all that, he still wasn’t able to finish his project that night.

The rest of the week went about the same. Eddie had a lot of trouble finding the focus to get everything done, and even though he tried hard to get Richie out of his mind.. he just couldn’t.

Most days he was left either wanting to punch Adrian or smack his head into the wall. Or both. Maybe he could just slam his head into Adrian’s head and take care of everything all at once. But no, he didn’t need a concussion. Eddie was constantly worried about being put on more meds and his mom would lose her head if he did anything that stupid.

Thursday night, he was a wreck. Eddie got home from his last class of the day and realized he hadn’t made a list of everything he needed to do before he left the next day. So he tried to make a list. 

But then figured he was spending too much time _making_ the list and tried to get a few things done. 

But then he thought he would forget to do certain things, so he went back to try and make a list. 

He went around in horrible circles like that all night until he finally settled on doing a load of laundry. Clean clothes were good. Everyone needed those.

Grabbing his laundry bag, Eddie stuffed it as full as he could manage. Shit, he hadn’t done laundry in a long time. He had also been wearing the same hoodie for three days in a row now.. so that wasn’t great. It was time to get his shit together.

Laundry bag: over his shoulder. Meds: in hand. Adrian: getting the door slammed in his face. Again. Eddie felt better when he was fooling himself into thinking he could multitask.

He didn’t want to go back to his room, so he stayed with the laundry the entire time. He took his meds. He got lost in thought as he listened to the sound of three washing machines and two dryers simultaneously working their magic.

Richie popped into his head again. They hadn’t seen each other in almost a year and a half. And other than last week, he couldn’t remember the last time they spoke on the phone. Sending that package to him was so spontaneous that he barely registered he did it until Richie’s voice was on the other end of the line, telling him he missed him.

Richie **missed** him.

So now Eddie Kaspbrak was smiling to himself in the middle of the laundry room.

He went to bed that night feeling lighter and almost giddy. He dreaded class tomorrow, but only because they would drag on for ages. The end of the day would be much better.

Friday ended up being a nightmare. He woke up anxious— not the most stellar start to his day, even if it was something he was used to. He couldn’t focus on any of his classes. There were a few assignments that he had forgotten to finish. And then even when it was all over, he felt sick to his stomach.

Shouldn’t he be excited? Well, he _was_ excited. But it was all mixed up with everything else.

When Eddie finally managed to finish packing his bag for the weekend, he practically collapsed to the floor. His legs were spread out bambi-style and he let his head lean back against his bed. That’s when Adrian walked in.

“You goin’ somewhere?”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Yup.”

“Where?”

“None of your business.”

“Yikes. So defensive.” His roommate sat down on his own bed, now looking down on him. “When will you be back?”

Eddie picked himself up off the floor, hauled his bag up with him, and rushed towards the door. “Sunday.” Adrian was lucky he didn’t swing the bag into his head on the way out. Leaving that room was the best thing he had ever done.

He was finally free. And he practically ran to his car. 

The three hour drive went by in a blur. And then Eddie found himself turning into the campus parking lot of one Richie Tozier.

Time flew by on the drive— now time was standing still. Eddie pulled into a spot and once it was in park, he froze. The car was still running and he kept his hands on the steering wheel. Things had suddenly become far too real. 

Richie was his best friend.. why was he so nervous to see him again?

Questions kept flooding his brain. What if things had changed so much, that they didn’t get along like they used to? What if Richie got sick of having him here and he ended up going back before Sunday? What if.. what if they just weren’t best friends anymore, and this trip would make them both realize it was all over?

Eddie’s grip on the steering wheel became tight, his knuckles turning white. He held back tears, felt the tightness in his chest get worse. If there was anything he was good at, it was freaking himself out. He debated putting his car in reverse and driving right out like he had never been there at all. 

But sometimes Eddie forced himself to be brave. So he took a deep breath, turned his car off, and opened the door. Once he grabbed his bag from the backseat, he started towards Richie’s building and only managed to make it a few steps before his ears were bombarded.

_**“Eddieee!”**_ It was like a siren, warning him of the upcoming attack to his personal space. But there wasn’t enough time to prepare. Not even close.

Richie Tozier came slamming into him from the left, and the two of them went tumbling down onto the grass next to the sidewalk. He was able to sit up, but his friend’s arms were clamped around him and he wasn’t able to break free. Eddie was laughing and coughing and trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. Richie sat his chin on his shoulder and he was half tempted to try and knock the glasses off of his stupid face, but there was no way he could manage that.

_“C’mooon—”_ Eddie protested, half-heartedly. There was hair in his face, he was covered in grass and dirt—

And he was the happiest he had been in as long as he could remember.

Eddie couldn’t see, and he tried blowing air up past his nose to move the curls away from his eyes. It wasn’t working. “Richie, you’re choking me you dumbass.”

“Suck it up, Eds!” Richie gave Eddie one last big squeeze before letting go and scooting off to the side, adjusting his glasses. Now they were facing each other, and Eddie was able to clear his vision. 

His effort was wasted— Richie’s hands immediately dove into his hair and began messing up his already messed up waves. “My god Edward, what the hell is this? This isn’t a wig is it? Please tell me it’s not a wig.”

“It’s not a wig!” Eddie smacked Richie’s hands away, causing the idiot who was accosting him to laugh maniacally. Eddie tried not to laugh but it was a futile attempt, and suddenly the two of them were struggling for air and crossing their arms over their chest to try and hold themselves together. Their gigantic smiles were the most genuine forms of expression either of them had experienced in far too long. They were happy. And they were together.

Their laughter slowly faded, but their smiles stayed. And Eddie _finally_ was able to clear his vision, running a few fingers through his hair to move it back.

Every single doubt that he had been wrangling with moments before in the car had completely vanished. He was a different person altogether. Apparently all he needed was a little bit of dirt, a sprinkling of grass, and a whole fistful of Richie. It was a recipe made in heaven.

They stared at each other with their dopey smiles for a few long seconds before Richie jumped to his feet and brushed himself free of grass. He proceeded to extend a hand down to Eddie. “C’mon dummy.” 

Eddie took it. After Richie yanked him up he immediately began picking grass out of Eddie’s hair. He smacked his hand away again, and then looked to his bag on the ground.

“You want to help me carry my bag up?”

Richie scoffed. “Why would I do that?”

Eddie flashed him some puppy dog eyes. “Because you’re a good friend.”

“No one has ever, _not once,_ said that about me. Get your own bag.”

“Fuck you.” Eddie joked, landing a hip check.

“Fuck you!” Richie gave him the finger and then smirked before finally walking towards his building, expecting Eddie to follow.

It really was that easy. It was like nothing had changed at all. They had been together all of two minutes and had already fallen right back into place, right back where they belonged.


End file.
